Fathers' moving testimonies shed light on harrowing consequences of child sexual abuse
17.04.2024
Hard-hitting new videos released by a North Wales’ sexual violence support service give a harrowing insight into the anguish crimes against children cause for victims’ fathers.
Amethyst Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) based in Colwyn Bay commissioned the series of short films, which showcase powerful first-hand accounts of the experiences of child sexual violence survivors’ fathers and male carers from North Wales.
Their largely unheard stories detail the conflicting feelings they had to face up to in the aftermath of terrible crimes against their children. The films give a raw examination of how understandable feelings of anger and retribution competed against the need to be present to support and reassure their child.
A further series of frank interviews examine the issues they and their partners faced as couples, as they rebuilt their family lives after such a trauma.
The fathers and male carers of survivors candidly explained their immediate responses to crimes inflicted on their children.
Amethyst - Sexual Assault Referral Centre - Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board (nhs.wales)
The comments included: “I was just so angry. I was lying in bed at night, couldn’t sleep, thinking about it…thinking I have to protect my children….”
“All sorts of things were going through my mind. Initially, the first thing going through my mind was violence. I wanted to rearrange his body parts…”
“When you tell one of your friends, the first thing they will say to you is ‘right, when are we going down there? Let’s get this sorted...’”
“You don’t know how you should react when you’re a bloke. Should I be giving [the perpetrator] a hiding? When you don’t, you question yourself. Am I bad then for not acting that way?”
One father explained how he ran out of the house on hearing the news, followed by his partner who asked what he was doing.
She recalled: “He just cried and I gave him a hug and said ‘she needs you’.”
Called Fathers and Parents Sharing Stories, these latest films are further ground-breaking resources for victims and their families produced by Amethyst SARC - created with funds donated by North Wales Police and Community Trust (PACT).
A previous film and booklet developed by Amethyst SARC, called Sharing Stories and involving the testimonies of survivors of child sexual violence, is now a valuable support tool being used across the United Kingdom.
Hannah Mart is a children and young people’s sexual violence advocate with Amethyst SARC. It was her brainchild to develop the new films.
She explained: “I think we just knew that there was nothing else like this in existence and our experience of making Sharing Stories was even those young people, who had had a significant amount of support, said ‘I didn't know everyone else felt like that’ when they read the booklet.
“We know sexual violence can be isolating. There are so many reasons why people can't, or aren't allowed to talk about it.
“It makes it very difficult to discuss - as articulated in the film - and people feel as though they don't have the language to discuss it.
“Even as someone who is very experienced in this world, I often find myself saying ‘this isn't the right language but…’
“Yet we know how powerful it can be to hear your own experiences being talked about. So that's what we wanted to do - start a conversation, normalise and validate people's experiences and help people start to heal.”
The videos chronicle families’ journeys of that healing and dealing with the traumatic events - and how fathers learned to focus on the most important elements of these heartrending cases, their children’s wellbeing.
They also demonstrate the value of support specialist organisations, like Amethyst SARC, give to families as they navigate life. That includes the pursuit of justice through the legal system - if that is what survivors and their families decide to do.
As one father said: “People need to understand, when they do report things like this, that it’s not just going to court or the police station which is really, really scary – and I think that’s why people don’t [report crimes] – but there is this community out there that help vulnerable people.
“And can talk to them in a different way than a parent can talk to them and comfort them and help them through the process of going to court – of going to the police station and giving evidence.
“After the court, the aftercare system that is in place there is invaluable. I don’t know what my step-daughter would have done without that.”
Ashley Rogers, Chair of PACT, recognised the importance of supporting this unique initiative and said: “I am absolutely delighted that PACT has been able to continue to support families of young victims with such a powerful and moving series of films.
“I am sure these films will be widely used across North Wales and beyond, supporting fathers and families who are going through similar experiences.”
Amethyst SARC is an independent, Health Board-led service situated in the Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) in Colwyn Bay.
The Fathers and Parents Sharing Stories videos can be viewed from today at: Amethyst Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) North Wales - Useful information and resources - Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board (nhs.wales)
You can find out more about PACT at www.pactnorthwales.co.uk
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