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Pragmatic Language

Pragmatic language refers to how we change the way we use spoken language and non-verbal communication like facial expressions and tone of voice for social reasons depending on the situation or who we’re talking to. For example, we use language differently when we greet people compared to when we’re asking for something, when we’re talking to our friends compared to when we’re talking to our boss at work, and we follow rules like taking turns in a conversation and staying on topic. Watch our podcast for more information about what pragmatic language means and how you can help children and young people who find this tricky or take a look at the quick-fire tips below and add them to your toolkit!

                                                                       

Quick-Fire Toolkit

Some young people can be very literal in their interpretation of language. This might mean that they get confused by language when it does not mean what it says e.g.

  • Phrases such as “pull your socks up”, “give me a hand”
  • Aspects of humour such as sarcasm where people might say one thing and mean something else
  • Taking things to heart that were said as a joke
  • Misinterpreting what someone meant and so taking them at their word, leading to confusion

The following can help:

  • Try and use short sentences and simple words. When people are having a tough time, using words they don’t understand or too many words can make them feel worse.
  • Try to say what you mean and think about what you say e.g. it is better to say “you need to walk” than saying “don’t run”.
  • You might need to make it clear and obvious when you are joking.
  • Try to keep information as factual as possible and don’t assume that people will automatically pick up meaning from your face or the way that you are talking.
  • Use comic strips to visually explain that people can say one thing but think something different or to unpick misunderstandings.

Individuals with neurodevelopmental profiles may also have difficulty working out other peoples’ non-verbal communication like facial expressions and tone of voice or using these to effectively communicate..

  • Try to be specific as you can with the words that you say as your child may not pick up on the extra information given from your tone or facial expression
  • Try to make facial expressions clear and obvious as it might be more difficult for your child to notice these when they are more subtle
  • Do not force your child to look at you when you are talking to them. Making direct eye contact can feel very uncomfortable for some children and can make listening to what you are saying even harder
  • Try not to assume that you child is trying to be blunt or rude on purpose if they come across as more direct in the way that they communicate. They may just be ‘saying it as they see it’
  • Check back with them first before jumping to conclusions as they may not be aware of how they have come across e.g. “I am just checking, did you mean that to sound ……”. This gives them the chance to repair the situation and can often prevent an argument developing.
  • Use comic strips (developed by Carol Gray Social Stories) i.e. stick people, talking bubbles and thinking bubbles to help your child to understand how they could manage situations differently next time.

Conversation, ‘chat’ and ‘banter’ can also be tricky. Some young people find it very difficult to express interest in topics outside of their own interest. Others might find it hard to know what to say and how to start an interaction with peers. It might also be tricky for them to wait their turn or to know when to stop talking.

  • Let your child know if/when they have said enough.
  • Visuals can help your child to understand the social rules e.g. when it is someone else’s turn to talk.
  • It might help to have a ‘chat box’ or agreed talking times so that your child knows when they are going to be able to talk about what is important to them.
  • Provide your child with specific feedback to help them to know what they did right e.g. “That was a great question – it really showed me that you had listened to what I said”, “that was brilliant waiting, now it’s your turn to talk”.
  • It might be helpful to practice conversation starters with your child – phrases and sentences that they can use to begin a conversation – if this is something that they find hard to do.
  • Help your child to understand how they can leave a conversation, if it is becoming too difficult to maintain e.g. safe phrases they can use as opposed to simply walking off if they have had enough.
  • It might be important to your child that you acknowledge their viewpoint first, even if you do not agree with them. This can help your child to feel listened to.